Saturday, May 31, 2008

Still Waiting . . .

We just learned this week that the doctor has pushed back the birth mother's due date until June 21st. The wait continues . . .

Wednesday, May 28, 2008

Music to "Inform the Soul"

Gabe and I are finishing up another wonderful symphony season this week. I’ve been lucky to have been exposed to classical music throughout my life, but this passion for the genre has come within the last two years. Honestly, I still feel largely ignorant about the composers, their works, and the different forms. I’m sure we’re among the youngest set of season subscribers. It makes us feel like we’re part of a very exclusive and interesting club with its own language and terminology.

One thing that makes the symphony more enjoyable is attending the pre-performance lectures. This last weekend there was a guest conductor named Larry Rachleff who spoke eloquently and passionately about how classical music is able to reach our deepest emotions. His lecture was fairly spiritual and he concluded by telling the audience how one of the best things they could do for their lives would be to listen to Bach every day for at least 10-15 minutes. He declared passionately that Bach’s music would “inform the soul,” and enhance your entire life. Don’t you just love this idea? Not just about Bach, but about music “informing the soul?”

Here are a few of the pieces that have “informed” my soul this last year:

• Holst: “The Planets,” the Mars movement is my favorite. I can even listen to this piece while I run because it makes me feel like I’m about to march into battle!

• Rachmaninov: “Rhapsody on a Theme of Paganini,” You can easily find the familiar and gushing 18th variation on itunes, but I recommend the entire piece.

• Vaugh Williams: “The Lark Ascending,” just plain beautiful!

• Orff: “Carmina Burana,” just plain thrilling and fun! You’ll recognize the opening and closing because it has been in all the NBA playoff commercials. Listen to the whole piece for joyful ditties celebrating the return of spring and the pleasures of the senses.

Thursday, May 22, 2008

Final Preparations

Gabe and I are quite on edge just waiting for that phone call that will tell us that the baby has arrived. We have the house cleaned, a name picked out, a peditrician chosen, and basic necessities bought. We are ready . . . well, sortof. How do you really prepare to be hit with the biggest change of your life? Yikes!

Adoption Terminology To Know

Every so often I hear well-meaning people use rather negative terms to describe adoption. We feel so strongly about adoption and such love for the birth mother that I get upset when people look at adoption as a "last resort." I'm including some positive terminology to replace old terms that some readers may find useful or of interest.

Put up for adoption
Adopted/Give up
Real Parent (I find this one especially irksome!)
Natural Parent
Adopted child
Illegitimate child
Unwanted child

Baby joined the family/Place the baby
Adoption plan was made for
Birth parent
Biological Parent
My child
Born outside of marriage
Born to a single person

Saturday, May 17, 2008

"What if she Changes her Mind?"

I’ve been going crazy with the “What if” game this morning, asking myself questions like, “What if there’s something wrong with the baby? What if I’m not a good mother or I don’t like being a mother? What if we get the phone call in the middle of the night and I don’t hear it?” Then, there is the most terrifying question of all, “What if she, (the birth mother), changes her mind?”

When we first found out that we had been chosen by a mother we were excited but reserved. We didn’t want to be let down if anything went wrong with this adoption. We know all the stories of couples that get chosen and then the mother changes her mind in the end. Now that we’ve started to prepare the nursery, pick out names, plan for the future, and tell friends and family, this has not just been “a baby,” it has become “Our baby.” Sadly, if things do go wrong and she changes her mind I’m afraid of how painful that will be for us. It will be like we’ve lost a child, even though in actuality this child is not ours yet. . . Anyhow, it gets me overwhelmed to even think about. Please, just keep us and the birth mother in your prayers. We can only hope that she will continue to feel at peace with her decision and that we will be blessed to be parents soon.

Friday, May 16, 2008

"Sugar and Spice and Everything Nice . . . "

"That's what little girls are made of." We got the ultra-sound results this week and were excited to hear that the baby is a girl. We were even more pleased to hear that the baby is looking healthy and well. The other news is that the doctor said the baby could be born any day now and the birth mother is already dialated, (just to a 1.) We’re hoping the baby can give us at least another week though since we are still in the thick of cleaning the house and taking items to storage.

Thursday, May 15, 2008

Happy Anniversary

Yesterday, Gabe and I celebrated our 6 year wedding anniversary. It is hard to believe that we have been married that long since we still feel like giddy newlyweds much of the time. We met nearly eight years ago on Utah State’s ballroom dance team. I had tried out for the team on a whim and was pleased to make it onto the backup team, while Gabe danced on the competitive team. One night, I went out Latin dancing with some members of Gabe’s team and Gabe and I discovered an instant attraction and connection. We talked and danced together until 4:00 a.m. and began dating immediately.

In our six years of marriage we’ve had many adventures traveling to Peru, Mexico, and Hawaii, among other places. We’ve lived in Washington, DC, New York, and various cities in Utah. We’ve struggled through law school and infertility. Through it all our relationship has remained solid and we are honestly more in love than ever. I am so very grateful to be married to such a sweet, hard-working and spiritual man. I love you sweetheart! Here’s to the next adventure!

Saturday, May 10, 2008

Adoption Update!

It has been an exciting and eventful week for our family. On Monday, we got a rather mysterious call from our case worker, Kim, asking us to come down to LDS Family services to sign some paperwork. She kept stressing the importance that we both come together and Gabe and I had the suspicion that this might just be “the call.”
When we arrived at Kim’s office there was a basket full of diapers, baby wipes and lotion and Kim told us that there was a birth mother who had chosen us for her baby! The birth mother is due the first part of June and has opted for a closed adoption at this point, so we really don’t know too much about her. We know that she is a single mother in her thirties with two young girls at home. We also know that she and the birth father are Caucasian and we have been given a profile on her medical background. She hasn’t had much prenatal care during her pregnancy, so we don’t know the sex of the child. She is scheduled for an ultra-sound next week and we hope to hear that the baby is healthy. (We’re excited to find out the sex, but could care less as to whether we get a boy or a girl.)
It was really exciting to get all this information and I left the office feeling a great peace and joy. I am overwhelmed with gratitude to this loving woman who has chosen us for her child. I’m amazed that this stranger is willing to give us such a gift. I am also overwhelmed with gratitude to the Lord and his love for us and this baby.
The rest of the week has been rather emotional for both Gabe and I. We vacillate between joy, excitement, fear, and panic. We are terrified that the birth mother will change her mind and choose to keep the baby. This is a distinct possibility until the paperwork gets signed after the birth of the child. There has also been very little sleep this week, (for me anyway, Gabe seems able to sleep through anything!) It is really hard to believe that in just a couple of weeks we could have an infant in our home! We have SO MUCH to do to get ready!

Sunday, May 4, 2008

Trip to Arches with my Brothers

A Few More . . .

After posting my last blog on crazy fears, I kept thinking about other items to add. Here are a few more:

• The fear that the candy machine will fall on me and crush me when I pound on it to get out that last dangling bag of peanut M&Ms.
• The fear of blowing my nose in public, (admittedly, this one is a little weird and uptight.)
• Getting hit by a baseball at a baseball game (see blog post “Take Me Out to the Ball Game.)
• The fear that the brakes will suddenly stop working on my car and send me cruising out of control only to end in a high speed chase and my arrest.

Common fears not on my list: dying, flying, public speaking, heights